How much longer, Lord?
Have you ever asked that question? Numerous times within my life, I have found myself holding my head in my hands with tears pouring down my cheeks asking God, “How much longer?” The endurance and perseverance of the pain, anxiety, grief, and uncertainty seemed impossible to bear.
Loneliness. Desperation. Agony. It was a constant cycle.
A miscarriage. John and I had longed for a child. For over a year, month after month, we longed for the appearance of two blue lines. Finally, our prayers were answered and God blessed us with a child. We had just shared the news with our family and friends and waited with anticipation for the arrival of Baby McVey, June 23, 2000. I was able to carry that precious baby for six-weeks. I had never experienced such heartache combined with confusion and anger. So many emotions processed through my heart and my mind. I’m sure many of you can relate, and some of you may have experienced similar or even greater and deeper loss. God recognizes each of our heartbreaks.
John and I endured that season with the support of many who loved us and cared for not only our physical well-being, but also our spiritual health. God showed us His provision and His love during that dark time, even when we didn’t seek it. He revealed to my spirit that He was a good, good Father even in the midst of my doubt. I was broken.
King David loved God. He sought after God’s heart, and he truly desired that the words of his mouth and the meditations of his heart were acceptable to Him. However, he asked, as so many of us have asked, “How long?” four different times. He was weary.
(1) “Lord, how long will You forget me? Forever? (2) How long will You hide Your face from me? How long will I store up anxious concerns within me, agony in my mind everyday? How long will my enemy dominate me (3) Consider me and answer, Lord my God. Restore brightness to my eyes; otherwise, I will sleep in death. (4) My enemy will say, :I have triumphed over him,” and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken (5) But I have trusted in Your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance. (6) I will sing to the Lord because He has treated me generously.”
David shares his heart as he walks us through the anxiety he experienced in verses 1 and 2, the cry of his heart’s prayer in verses 3 and 4, and then redemption and faith in verses 5 and 6.
This is a Deliverance Cycle. Restore brightness to my eyes.
It’s okay for your flesh to feel anxious, wondering if God feels your heart breaking. He does. His word says,
“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Romans 8: 26-28 (NLT)
As I recall the events of that dark season, my heart breaks all over again. Maybe you, too have experienced a miscarriage, or several. With tears streaming down my face, I still long to see that precious child. I will one day be able to rock my sweet baby, sitting right beside of Jesus – my good, good Father.
Maybe you are going through that season in your life right now. Sister, you are not alone. Scripture is purposeful, and God is alive. We serve El Chayim, a Living God. There is a purpose behind the pain. Always. Tim Keller states in Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, “You don’t really know Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.”
Jesus. His words and His faithful love breathed life into my dying spirit and started mending my brokenness, and He offers that to you too. God longs to deliver us from anxiety, fear, heartache, addictions, self-doubt, and whatever has your spirit in chains. His deliverance will free you from those chains that bind your heart, your mind, and your soul. He will deliver you, and you will walk worthy of your calling. He is a good, good Father.
“But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in Your deliverance.” Psalm 13:5 (HCSB)
Time to Unfold
- Read God’s Word: Read His Word seeking deliverance.
- Pray: Ask Him to “restore brightness to your eyes”. Release the chains of
bondage for freedom in Him.
- Do: Trust Him. Daily trust Him. Believe that He will restore your soul.
Rejoice in your deliverance.
Rejoicing in my deliverance,
Heather McVey, a speaker and accidental writer, has a passion for connecting the dots of God’s Word. Her mission is focused on teaching women how to unfold the scriptures within their own life, encouraging and equipping them to walk worthy of their calling. Learn more about her in Meet Heather.